The Best Gifts for Capricorn, Other Than an Honorary Law Degree

Congrats, grad. You’ve made it to the finale of the endless rager that is Sagittarius season with energy to spare—and you’re going to need it for Capricorn season (December 22 to January 19), which ushers in one of the staunchest and scariest toughest earth signs of the zodiac. 

Finding the best gift for Capricorns is a bit like finding a masochist a new wall upon which to bang their head: Easy, but… weird. How do you give a fun gift to the sign with the most hard-ass reputation? Consider fellow earth sign Taurus, who will always be down to have a chill, relaxing night in with some joints and an impeccable sushi platter. Capricorn is also a homebody, but they’ll be making a to-do list and checking it twice on their night in. Sound familiar, Virgos? Sure, y’all are also master list-makers, but Capricorn is truly next-level. This zodiac sign is busy making spreadsheets while Virgo is still looking for a pen, and they’re detail-oriented—not for the sake of delighting in intricacy, but because they’re a BO$$ who will work on their passion project until it turns into an empire. You think Dollywood was built in a day? Pfffft. It was built by Capricorn supreme, Miss Dolly Parton, after a lifetime of work. 

Capricorns are sensitive in their own way, but lean towards pessimism only because they’re logically minded people. We don’t know the zodiac signs of the Muppets, but Oscar the Grouch is 100,000,000% a Capricorn (with a Pisces moon). So if we roast you, dearest Cappy, it’s only because we’re jealous of your self-discipline. Your zodiac sign is the (half) goat, literally, and takes climbing to the top of wherever it wants to be very seriously. You’re not the most spontaneous sign, but you clock excellence when you see it and inspire it in those around you to do better. As we shop for your present, we’ll be looking for the best Capricorn gifts that help keep you organized, relaxed, and ahead-of-the-curve.  

Capricorns basically popped out of the womb with sunglasses on, that’s how cool they are. But an Aquarius friend probably borrowed and lost them at some point, so scoop these 90s-inspired shades, and pair them with a stunnin’ Seinfeld/Frasurbane button-up top. Very cool. Very Capricorn.

Never say never, but then again, we’ve never met a Capricorn who couldn’t benefit from the sublime relaxation powers of an acupuncture/massage pen. This one has an impressive 4.5-star average rating from over 700 reviews on Amazon, and it looks like a wizard wand from the year 3000. As one reviewer writes, “This is hands down the absolute best tool for getting into the tight places to restore blood flow […] It's a great weight, it's comfortable to use, and it's extremely effective. I love it.”

Unsurprisingly, two of the most towering musical talents, Miss Dolly Parton and the late David Bowie, were born under the Capricorn star sign. It’s no wonder they’ve had such expansive, successful careers. We’ll be celebrating them with a pu pu platter of Dolly’s greatest hits and (in true Capricorn fashion) Bowie’s Earthling on vinyl. 

This comfy laptop desk is one of our shopping editors’ favorite WFH products, and given that your Capricorn is the first to sign on to Slack in the morning, they will appreciate the power of working from bed even more. 

Adam Rothbarth recently went in-depth on the glory of Haflinger shoes in his VICE review of the German-made slippies, but, suffice to say, they rock. “Haflingers are a great investment, Rothbarth writes, “They’re not too expensive to begin with, and they look cool, are super comfortable, and last (nearly) forever […] Whether you suffer from sore feet or just feel like you deserve to be extra comfy around the house (we all do!), this is truly a great brand.” Your busy Capricorn will appreciate the extra support.

Traditional zodiac jewelry is tight, but wouldn’t you rather gift your Capricorn a pair of molten-ass, pearly silver sprig earrings that pay homage to their sign’s symbol, the sea goat?? Of course you would, smarty pants.

If your Capricorn loves to cook and entertain, they will appreciate kitchen tools and gifts that help them reach next-level excellence with their recipes, so bless them with a scale for ultimate precision when measuring. Go for the classic, retro countertop double scale if they also have some Libra in their chart (Libra will appreciate the dedication to aesthetics), or else a sleek scale that stores easily, such as this Amazon best-seller, which is on the same efficiency wavelength of Capricorn:

Capricorns are stately, hot, and high-functioning peeps, not unlike this mortar and pestle set. Not only does it make us feel like a medieval laird, but it’s a perfectly apropos gift for the sign that is always on the grind:

The Loftie isn’t just another alarm clock. It’s a wake-up call wrapped in a sunrise that’s hooked up with a Bluetooth speaker, serves as a sound machine, and will help your Cap take a little distance from their smartphone. We love the thoughtfulness of the two-phase alarm feature, which gently lulls you awake at the initial sounding, and then comes in with a monastic B A N G E R  second alarm (think, mountain monks sounding gentle gongs) actually get you out of bed. For all the specs on this beauty, check out our detailed VICE review of the clock.

We have an entire aesthetic tech gift guide that’s perfect for Capricorns, because it’s filled with all the laptop cases and cable organizers to keep their workflow groovin’, including these leather cord wraps:

If anyone has multiple calendars and planners, it’s your dearest Capricorn—how perfect, then, that their sign’s season falls under the new year? Get them a siwsh 2023 leather planner from Papier: 

If your Cap already has their Gregorian calendar for the new year, get them a lunar calendar. Even if they’re not an esoteric bro, the graphics are M.C. Escher levels of trippy, and your bud will appreciate gaining more knowledge than the average worm about the phases of the moon.  

It’s likely that your Capricorn is a coffee drinker, because it’s only 9 a.m. and they’ve already done all of this [points to your taxes] just because they can. The gift of more caffeination is one they’ll appreciate, and this French press is so sick, it could have starred in the Bauhaus ballet.

A weekend jaunt (with Wi-Fi; let’s be real) is the gift a Capricorn probably doesn’t know they need, but will definitely appreciate. Book them a non-traditional romantic vacation, or round up your vaccinated buds for a weekend at this resort-like retreat in the Hudson Valley that looks like a portal to Bali, Indonesia. It’s spread over 7.5 acres of wooded surroundings, including grasslands, a spring-fed pod, a hot tub, and a bathtub next to a working fireplace. 

Hudson Valley Bali House Retreat; sleeps up to 8, $543/night at Airbnb

See you next month, when it’ll be time to shop for Aquarius and their 10,000 hobbies. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.