There may be a day when I throw my hands in the air and say, “Welp, that's it. I’m over the whole masturbation thing.” It will be the same day when every couple from Love Is Blind stays together, or when gimmick restaurants decide to go light on the truffle oil.
Today is not that day. I plan to be 69 years old, and spanking the bank with the same horny aplomb of my current, 31-year-old/vibrator-obsessed self, but I’m also realistic. I understand that a lot of of things—arthritis, vaginal dryness, menopause—can affect my sex life in the coming decades, and I can only hope that the sexual wellness brands I’ve come to rely on in my youth will anticipate my needs as an elder horny person. That’s not to say there isn’t plenty of lube, high-powered wand vibes, and ergonomic sex toys ‘round these parts, but there is a gaping, and eager hole in in the sex tech market for grannies who want to get off.
All of this is lame, but not surprising in an ageist culture. That’s what makes Tabu so intriguing amongst the renaissance of hip sexual wellness brands. The California-based company launched in 2020, and is the first of its kind to offer a vibrator package specifically for older vaginas or folks who need a little more umph from their dildos. Crowned, “the Golden Hour Kit,” the bundle includes the brand’s signature water-based Aureum lube, which is made from organic aloe vera, hyaluronic acid, and natural plant extracts, as well as the brand’s swish vibrator, the Nuri massager:
Photo courtesy of Tabu
Don’t be deceived by the spartan design. This vibrator may look like others we’ve seen before, but it has a few hidden tricks up that chic, medical-grade silicone sleeve. For one, the vibrations are Bugatti-powerful, which is important for people who may need extra clitoral stimulation, and the dilator-inspired shape of the massager is designed to help maintain vaginal width, length, and tone.
Last but not least, Nuri can heat up to around 97 degrees Fahrenheit to match body temperature and help increase blood flow, which Tabu says can be key in encouraging arousal and easier penetration. “[Dr. Barb DePree is a] gynecologist and menopause care specialist [we] spoke to early on [about this],” Tabu stated, “[and she] shared that a warming feature would not only increase comfort, but also further stimulate blood flow (which gets harder as our hormone levels change).”
Dr. DePree is one of a variety of clinicians, therapists, and feedback-providing women (ages 41 to 71) who have been involved in Tabu’s design process, and overall “mission to make sexual wellness feel as natural and healthy as our skin and exercise routines with products that are elegant, dignified, and clean.” Perusing the brand’s site, that’s exactly what users will find: a sexual wellness space that feels mature, inviting, and straight-up beautiful; a pristine world filled with enough organic lube and Gua Sha stones to make even Gwyneth Paltrow goop herself. In fact, Tabu’s vibrator is already sold out on Goop.
It’s high time for the media to stop treating women and vagina-owners like we have an orgasm expiration date; we are people, not Camembert. “At [60 years old], I am finally learning that knowing yourself will make you a better you whether you have a partner or not,” one reviewer writes about how deeply the Kit has affected her life, while a 76-year-old fan says that “the Kit has solved my chronic problem of dryness [and] vaginal discomfort, which has plagued me for years.” Whether you’re experiencing vaginal dryness, going through menopause, or know someone who might be (the holidays are coming, matey), the Nuri massager would be a *chef’s kiss* gift for the sex toy connosieur and n00b alike. (Who doesn’t want a vibrator that pre-warms itself?) And just because we have such a big crush on you, we’ve asked Tabu to give VICE readers a 15% off discount on the site with the code VICE15 at checkout.
Tabu, I tip my [redacted] to you. You’re elegant, horny, and smart, but most of all, you’re reassuring us me that the tides of sexual wellness are shifting for the better.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.