The Oldest Known Narrative Scene in Human History Is a Guy Holding His Dick

Humans have been telling NSFW stories forever, it turns out.
The Oldest Known Narrative Scene in Human History Is a Guy Holding His Dick
Image: Özdoğan
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A 11,000-year-old carving in Turkey that features a man holding his phallus as leopards corner him is the oldest known example of a narrative scene, a discovery that opens an unprecedented window into some of the first prehistoric communities that adopted a sedentary lifestyle, reports a new study.

Archaeologists discovered the stone carving in 2021 at Sayburç, a site in southeastern Turkey that was inhabited by a long-lost culture that was in transition from a nomadic hunter-gatherer way-of-life to a less mobile society primarily based in settlements. 

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The stone carving includes five figures across two reliefs; a kind of a prehistoric version of a two-panel comic. The first features the main human figure holding his penis with two leopards on either side of him, one of which also has a phallus. A second carving features another human figure, probably also depicted with a phallus, next to a bull.

The carving “constitutes the earliest known depiction of a narrative ‘scene’, and reflects the complex relationship between humans, the natural world and the animal life that surrounded them during the transition to a sedentary lifestyle,” according to a study published on Thursday in the journal Antiquity that was led by Istanbul University archaeologist Eylem Özdoğan.

“The figures form a narrative, with the two individual scenes appearing to be related to one another,” the team added. “The Sayburç reliefs correspond to the style and themes of the Neolithic. Phalluses are the only elements identifying the sex of the figures, and emphasis is placed on predatory and aggressive aspects of the animal world, as represented by the depiction of dangerous features, such as teeth and horns, which has been observed at other sites.”

Indeed, the fascinating scene is similar to artwork at nearby Neolithic sites in Turkey, including the famous Göbeklitepe settlement, which is a few thousand years younger than Sayburç, but also includes plentiful phalluses, among many other imaginative depictions. 

Taken together, these mysterious settlements offer a glimpse of one the most significant changes in the history of our species. As cultures moved away from nomadic modes of life, increasingly large cities began to emerge, paving the way for the urban civilization that dominates our world today. 

Özdoğan and his colleagues plan to continue studying the relief, which is located in an ancient communal building that they believe must have been used for special gatherings. The team will also continue to excavate the wider settlement that once existed at Sayburç, as this exciting site may contain tantalizing clues about the peoples who once lived here, and the stories they told.

“The figures were undoubtedly characters worthy of description,” the researchers said. “The fact that they are depicted together in a progressing scene, however, suggests that one or more related events or stories are being told. In oral traditions, stories, rituals and strong symbolic elements form the foundation of the ideologies that shape society beyond spirituality.” 

Previous work has “interpreted Göbeklitepe, with its powerful symbols, as a new connection point for memory in a changing world,” the team concluded. “The Sayburç reliefs, then, can be seen in a similar light: the reflection of a collective memory that kept the values of its community alive.”